Portland Wrestling (9/25/1987)
Sept 25, 2021 16:52:02 GMT
Post by grigs on Sept 25, 2021 16:52:02 GMT
“Portland Wrestling”
Taped live on 9/25/87 at the Portland Sports Arena in Portland, Oregon to air at 11 PM on KPTV and an edited tape of this show airs in syndication as “Big Time Wrestling” the next week on stations throughout Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and British Columbia.
Announcers: Don Coss & Stan Stasiak
Ring Announcer: Don Owen
Referees: Sandy Barr & David Manning
COSS: Welcome to Potland Wrestling! We have some good news to open the program: Billy Jack haynes won the tournament and he is your new Pacific Northwest Champion! Billy got a measure of revenge for the burning incident last week as he beat three members of Los Diablos during the course of the tournament! That means that Billy gets a match for the Undisputed World Title against Dory Funk, Jr. and we'll have that here on TV tonight! In other news from last Tuesday, the Rock and Roll RPMS retained the tag title, but you two had help!
The RPMS enter the Crow's Nest, wearing the title belts!
TOMMY LANE: Don Coss, we beat the Rock and Roll Express all over that ring! Punky and Hoot was begging for mercy! They didn't know what hit'em, brother!
COSS: Som,ebody jumped in the ring at the end of the match and interfered! Who was it?
MIKE DAVIS: Somebody came down and gave us some advice and cheered us obn to victory, daddy! Let me introduce you to the man himself! Here he is, Superstar Bill Dundee!
Dundee struts into the picture, dressed in an Elvis Presley style jumpsuit!
COSS: Folks, this is the man who intefered in the match! Who are you and what is your connection to the RPMs?
DUNDEE: The name is Bill Dundee and they call me the Superstar! I've spent the last several years as the top guy in the southern territories! Earlier tonight, on the biggest cable network in the world, a guy named Jerry Lawler came on TV and claimed to be World Champion. I've whupped him so many times I've lost count! You got to Memphis, Tennessee and ask'em 'bout the Superstar, jack! Before he died, Elvis, the king of rock and roll, invited me up to Graceland. I was his favorite wrestler! He gave me this outfit I'm wearin, custom made by his own tailor! If anybody knows what rock and roll is all about, it's the Superstar, daddy!
COSS: So, are you managing Davis and Lane?
DUNDEE: I'm still a wrestler and one of the best! But, I remember several years ago, the Boston Celtics, you know them- they whup the Trail Blazers every time they play! The Celtics needed a coach, so they asked a guy named Dave Cowens, the best player on the team, to keep playing, but to coach the team as well. Who knows what's going on with a basketball team better than a man who's on the court every night? Who has better strategies for wrestling than a man who has held titles all over the world? They called Cowens a player/coach and I guess that's sorta what I am for these two!
DAVIS: He's our advisor, Coss, not that it's any of your business!
COSS: Was he giving advice as he jumped off the top rope last Tuesday?
DUNDEE: Man, you are delusional! You need professional help! You and Ricky and Robert are all three out of your heads! They think they are the rock and roll tag team, but anybody can see that Mike and Tommy is the only real rock and roll team! Let me prove it! Here's two of my best friends in the world! They know the Rolling Stones, David Bowie, and all the others! This man has made his own records! Adrian Street and Miss Linda!
Street and Linda come into the picture!
DUNDEE: Adrian, what about the RPMs and the Express, brother?
STREET: No comparison, William, dear! Those street urchins, Ricky and Robert, are an embarrassment to rock and roll! Look at the RPMS! These two are incredible physical specimens! Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Paul McCartney, they'd all be proud to party with these two! Now, with you as advisor, they are an unbeatable combination! Ricky and Robert remind me of two children going trick or treating as Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth!
DAVIS: Haw! Haw! That's about right!
DUNDEE: Alright, I have a match. I'm gonna beat this boy about half to death! Rock and RolL Express, this is what ya can expect next time you wrestle the RPMs!
COSS: After our first break, Bill Dundee will wrestle Tom Prichard. You might be in for a rude awakening!
COMMERCIAL
Superstar Bill Dundee vs. Tom Prichard: Prichard takes it to Dundee and nearly spoils the Superstar's Portland debut! Dundee scores the pin with an inside cradle( and a handfull of tights).
COMMERCIAL
Tiger Mask vs. Vic Steamboat: The type of match you would expect to see on a card in Japan. Very fast paced and scientific with a handshake before and afterwards. The masked man pins Steamboat after a German suplex, but Vic earns a lot of respect during this bout. Coss and Stasiak both rave about these two great athletes.
COMMERCIAL
Rock and Roll Express vs. Chris Colt & DC Drake: Ricky and Robert electrify the Portland Sports Arena tonight! Ricky pins Drake after a double dropkick. Stasiak says the RPMs and Dundee haven't heard the last of these two!
Cut to Coss in the Crow's Nest...
COSS: I'm here with the team that, in my opinion shouls be PNW Tag Team Champions, the Rock and Roll Express! Bill Dundee's interference cost you two the belts!
MORTON: I've known Billy Dundee since I was a little boy, Don Coss! He's a lowlife and a snake in the grass! RPMS, the day that Robert and myself need some chump interfering in our matches is the day we hang it up! As far as Adrian Street, just look at him! How can anybody take what he says seriously!
GIBSON: That's right, brother! We're gonna take them belts! We're gonna do it for all these nice people here in the Northwest and we're gonna do it the right way!
MORTON: WE won't take up any more valuable TV time, Don Coss! We'll do out talkin in the ring!
COSS: We'll see the RPMS when we return!
COMMERCIAL
Superstar Bill Dundee leads his tag team champs to the ring...
Rock and Roll RPMS(w/Bill Dundee) vs. Scott Casey & Iceman King Parsons: The Cowboy and the Iceman turn out to be an excellent combination and they give the tag champs all they want this week! Lane pins Casey after nailing him with a Tennessee chain that Dundee hands him! After the bout, Ricky and Robert come down and stooge Dundee off to referee Sandy Barr! This leads to a Express/RPms brawl that goes all over the arena! It takes everal minutes to break it up. Stasiak and Coss say it is one of the wildest things they have ever seen!
COMMERCIAL
COSS: In our next match, three of the top wrestlers in the Northwest will take on three members of Los Diablos. I'm joined by those three men: Ken Patera and the Sawyer brothers. You three have Abdullah the Butcher, the Grappler, & Bad News Brooks!
PATERA: The other night, I was wrestling the Grappler in the tournament! He kicked me and I've never felt pain like that! There's more in that boot than a foot and five toes! Tonight, I might rip that boot off and shove it down his throat!
BUZZ: Last week, they burned our friend Billy! He didn't let that stop him and we won't let these jerks stop us!
BRETT: We can fight fire with fire if that's what it takes! I've got two of the strongest and two of the toughest on my side! We're ready!
COSS: I think we're all ready! It's time for action!
Ken Patera, Buzz & Brett Sawyer vs. Abdullah the Butcher, the Grappler, & Bad News Brooks: A wild and wooly brawl. Referee David Manning has his hands full tonight! The Grappler pins Brett after loading the boot and kicking him in the abdomen. The brawl continues after the bell! Manny Fernandex and the Real Thing get involved, but a chair wielding Billy Jck Haynes and Wahoo McDaniel, swinging his strap, even the odds and clear the ring! Coss informs the fans that Don Owen has decided not to televise Wahoo's strap match with Fernandez tonight because it will probably be too violent for TV!
COMMERCIAL
Coss, Stasiak, and Owen are in the Crow's Nest.
COSS: The man they call the Real Thing made an unannounced appearance here last week. He shocked us all by burning Billy Jack Haynes. The Real Thing will wrestle in the Northwest for the first time here tonight. Don Oen has decided not to air that match...
OWEN: After this man's actions last week, I decided that it wouldn't be suitable for TV. Then, you did an investigative piece a few days later. After watching that piece of videotape, I didn't want to be responsible for what this man might do!
COSS: I really don't want to relive this, but here goes...I asked “Ragin Bull” Manny Fernandez to arrange an interview with the Real Thing. Fernandez invited me to his residence and here's what took place!
VTR:
We see a a sparsely furnished basement with a dirt floor. The only light is a naked light bulb that hangs from the ceiling. There is a set of stairs leading down into the basement. There is a cage in the corner where a hulking figure is holding tightly to the bars of the cage. We hear footsteps and voices descending the stairs...
FERNANDEZ: Coss, are you sure you want this?
COSS: I'm sure that Don Owen wants me to do this!
Coss and Manny Fernandez come into view. At the sight of the cage, Coss cringes.
COSS: You keep in there? Like an animal?
FERNANDEZ: I'm like you, I got no choice!
THING:AAAAAAARRRRRGH! OUT!
FERNANDEZ: (fumbling with keys) OK, big guy! Don't get yer panties in a wad!
COSS: Where did you find this man?
FERNANDEZ: When I was putting Los Diablos together, I got a phone call from New Zealand. My friend down there said they had a guy who was green and inexperienced, but he was tough. Then they said the magic words: He's really good at hurting people!
Fernandez unlocks the cage and the Real Thing springs out! His hair is unkempt, he is drooling, and he zeores in on a folding chair that is leaning against the wall! He grabs the steel chair and starts banging his own head with it!
COSS: He's going to bust his own head!
The Thing drops the chair and turns his attention to Coss! He grabs Coss's tie and starts chewing on it!
COSS: I'm really not comfortable with this!
FERNANDEZ: Thing! No! Back off!
The Real Thing spits out the tie and gets a look of savage anger on his face! HE points at Coss...
THING: FIRE!
COSS: Oh no!
Coss drops his microphone and runs for the stairs!
THING: FIRE! FIRE!
The Real Thing stares vacantly into the camera...
THING: Billy Jack! FIRE!
The thing throws a fireball in the direction of the camera. We see the camera being sat down on the floor and hear running footsteps.
The Real Thing gets on the floor and looks into the camera...
THING:HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Cut to Crow's Nest.
COSS: (shudders) I can report that nobody was burnt and Manny Fernandez later returned the camera equipment to KPTV. No damage was done.
OWEN: Now, you see why I am leery about putting the Real Thing on television!
STASIAK: I think you made a good decision there, boss! You have a great card without it, including a world class main event!
COSS: Tonight, Dory Funk, Jr. defends his World Title against PNW titleholder BillY Jack Haynes. We have prerecorded statements from both champion and challenger. First, Billy Jack Haynes!
VTR:
Billy Jack Haynes sits on a stool in a blackened studio. Haynes holds his recently won PNW Title belt in his lap.
BILLY: Biggest night of my life, here in the Portland Sports Arena!One of my birthday presents on my 17th birthday was tickets to wrestling to watch Dory Funk, Jr. defend the old NWA World Title against Lonnie Mayne! My dad and I sat there, cheering ol' Lonnie on and he almost did it! He almost took the belt, but just came up a little short. I told Dad that night, someday I'm gonna wrestle for the World Title, only I'm gonna win! You kids watching, remember this: If you work hard and do things the right way, there's no limit to what you can accomplish and dreams can come true! Dad, I know you'll be sitting by the TV listening-I'm gonna do my best to win the title for you! All of you great fans across the Northwest who have stood behind Billy Jack these last five years, this is for you! For everybody who's ever been told that they're nop good and that they'll never amount to anything, this is for you! Dory Funk, I repect you and I look up to you for all you've accomplished, but I'm gonna fight you like my life is on the line tonight and I plan on taking that belt!
STASIAK: I think he can do it! It's only fair that the champion gets a chance to speak his piece...
VTR:
Dory Funk, Jr. is dressed in a Western style suit and cowboy hat. He has his title belt slung over his shoulder as he stands in the ring in the empty Portland Sports Arena.
FUNK: I've walked into this ring many times. From 1969 to 1973, I was the champion of the late, great National Wrestling Alliance. I'd come up here several times a year. I wrestled guys like Tough Tony Borne, Dutch Savage, and Billy Jack's old favorite, Lonnie “Moondog” Mayne. They were all tough, I'll give them that, but they all left the ring disappointed and the wrestling fans left the arena disappointed. Tonight, Billy, is going to be a disappointing night for you, too. Your old man is going to be disappointed. You're gonna let all of the fans down. You're going to fail yourself. You're good, Billy Jack, I can't take that away from you. Someday, you might even hold this title, but not tonight! Don't be greedy, son, enjoy that Pacific Northwest Title. Enjoy hearing all the women scream when you walk out here. Enjoy all the little boys wanting to grow up and be just like you. And enjoy your wrestling lesson tonight. It will be my pleasure!
COSS: That's one confident World Champion!
STASIAK: I still think Billy wins the World Title right here tonight!
COSS: We'll have that match next!
COMMERCIAL
The challenger comes to the ring first. Wahoo McDaniel is by his side. Billy still has a bandage on the burn from last week. Haynes gets a HUGE pop as he enters the ring!
The Champion strolls the ring, slowly and purposefully. Hif face is a stoic mask as he stares at his challenger. He enters the ring, removes his jacket and hands his belt to referee Sandy Barr.
Undisputed World Title Match (2/3 falls): Dory Funk, Jr. © vs. Billy Jack Haynes: After Don Owen makes the introductions, Wahoo gives Billy a brief pep talk and a handshake, then leaves the arena. Looks like this will be strictly one against one!
First Fall: Early on, Haynes uses his power advantage to gain the arvantage. Funk goes on the defensive. At one point, Funk manages to get an advantge and go to work on the leg. Funk eventually locks in the spinning toehold, but Haynes kicks out and sends Funk flying into the corner! Haynes charges at the champ, but Funk gets out of his way! Billy crashes hard into the corner! Funk rolls Haynes up from behind, braces his legs on the turnbuckles and takes the first fall!
Second Fall: Haynes is fired up and he really tears into Funk! Haynes throws Funk around the ring like he's a lightweight! Dory sells like he's the Japanese army and Haynes is Godzilla! It's all Haynes until Manny Fernandez and the Real Thing show up at ringside. Haynes is visibly distracted and Funk takes full advantage of the situation! Wahoo McDaniel comes out to counter the members of Los Diablos. Dory controls the action for awhile, but Haynes comes roaring back! Haynes eventually locks in the full nelson! Haynes has Dory in trouble, but Fernandez and the Thing attack Wahoo! Bill releases the hold and jumps out of the ring to rescue his friend!The Thing throws fire at Billy again, but Haynes grabs a chair and uses it as a shield! Sandy Barr awards the second fall to Billy Jack via DQ! Funk, Jr. is protesting vehemently, but it falls on deaf ears!Billy Jack is swinging the chair wildly at the heels!
Between falls, Don Owen gets on the mic and tells Fernandez & the Real Thing to leave or be fined $5,000 apiece! Wahoo leaves as well.
Third Fall: It's one fall apiece and Billy Jack is a wildman! The encounter with Los Diablos has him as fired up as we've ever seen him! Haynes beats Funk from pillar to post! Sandy Barr seems to be on the verge of disqualifying the overly aggressive Haynes a few times as he tears his opponent apart! Haynes finally applies the full nelson! Funk manages to step through the ropes. His feet on are on the apron. Barr is instructing Billy to break the hold, but Haynes has a crazed look on his face and won't break! The ref has no choice but to call for the bell! Funk wins the thrid fall by DQ and retains the championship! After the bell rings, Wahoo comes out and , along with Sandy Barr convinces Billy to relinquish the hold. Billy asks for the microphone..
HAYNES: I apologize. Last week, that jerk burned me and tonigt, he tried it again! I just lost it! I promise you people that Wahoo and me will run those jerks out of here! And I have one more promise, Dory Funk, Jr., you haven't seen the last of me!
Funk takes the microphone.
FUNK: Any time any place, Haynes. In the ring or in a back alley, all the same to me!
Barr and Wahoo quickly step between champion and challenger!
DARK MATCHES
Jos LeDuc enters the ring, carrying a table. LeDuc stes up the table and offers to pay $1,000 to any man who can defeat him at arm wrestling! Several men from the audience try and can't do it! Wrestler CW Bergstrom gives it a shot and also fails.
The Real Thing(w/ Manny Fernandez & Bad News Brooks) makes his in ring debut against Art Barr & Billy Travis in a handicap match. The Thing pins Travis after a heart punch, but gets DQ's for beating up referee Sandy Barr. When Art Barr tries to help Sandy, he takes a fireball from the Thing!Don Owen fines the Real Thing five grand and threatens more if Brooks and Fernandez don't remove him from the premises!They barely drag him away!
“Ragin Bull” Manny Fernandez takes on Chief Wahoo McDaniel in an Indian Strap match. This is one of the goriest matches ever seen in the Sports Arena! Don Owen made the right decision in not televising this one! Referee David Manning finally decides both men have spilled too much blood and calls it a no contest! Billy Jack and Buzz Sawyer come out to help Wahoo to the back while Brooks and the Grappler have to assist the Bull!
Taped live on 9/25/87 at the Portland Sports Arena in Portland, Oregon to air at 11 PM on KPTV and an edited tape of this show airs in syndication as “Big Time Wrestling” the next week on stations throughout Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and British Columbia.
Announcers: Don Coss & Stan Stasiak
Ring Announcer: Don Owen
Referees: Sandy Barr & David Manning
COSS: Welcome to Potland Wrestling! We have some good news to open the program: Billy Jack haynes won the tournament and he is your new Pacific Northwest Champion! Billy got a measure of revenge for the burning incident last week as he beat three members of Los Diablos during the course of the tournament! That means that Billy gets a match for the Undisputed World Title against Dory Funk, Jr. and we'll have that here on TV tonight! In other news from last Tuesday, the Rock and Roll RPMS retained the tag title, but you two had help!
The RPMS enter the Crow's Nest, wearing the title belts!
TOMMY LANE: Don Coss, we beat the Rock and Roll Express all over that ring! Punky and Hoot was begging for mercy! They didn't know what hit'em, brother!
COSS: Som,ebody jumped in the ring at the end of the match and interfered! Who was it?
MIKE DAVIS: Somebody came down and gave us some advice and cheered us obn to victory, daddy! Let me introduce you to the man himself! Here he is, Superstar Bill Dundee!
Dundee struts into the picture, dressed in an Elvis Presley style jumpsuit!
COSS: Folks, this is the man who intefered in the match! Who are you and what is your connection to the RPMs?
DUNDEE: The name is Bill Dundee and they call me the Superstar! I've spent the last several years as the top guy in the southern territories! Earlier tonight, on the biggest cable network in the world, a guy named Jerry Lawler came on TV and claimed to be World Champion. I've whupped him so many times I've lost count! You got to Memphis, Tennessee and ask'em 'bout the Superstar, jack! Before he died, Elvis, the king of rock and roll, invited me up to Graceland. I was his favorite wrestler! He gave me this outfit I'm wearin, custom made by his own tailor! If anybody knows what rock and roll is all about, it's the Superstar, daddy!
COSS: So, are you managing Davis and Lane?
DUNDEE: I'm still a wrestler and one of the best! But, I remember several years ago, the Boston Celtics, you know them- they whup the Trail Blazers every time they play! The Celtics needed a coach, so they asked a guy named Dave Cowens, the best player on the team, to keep playing, but to coach the team as well. Who knows what's going on with a basketball team better than a man who's on the court every night? Who has better strategies for wrestling than a man who has held titles all over the world? They called Cowens a player/coach and I guess that's sorta what I am for these two!
DAVIS: He's our advisor, Coss, not that it's any of your business!
COSS: Was he giving advice as he jumped off the top rope last Tuesday?
DUNDEE: Man, you are delusional! You need professional help! You and Ricky and Robert are all three out of your heads! They think they are the rock and roll tag team, but anybody can see that Mike and Tommy is the only real rock and roll team! Let me prove it! Here's two of my best friends in the world! They know the Rolling Stones, David Bowie, and all the others! This man has made his own records! Adrian Street and Miss Linda!
Street and Linda come into the picture!
DUNDEE: Adrian, what about the RPMs and the Express, brother?
STREET: No comparison, William, dear! Those street urchins, Ricky and Robert, are an embarrassment to rock and roll! Look at the RPMS! These two are incredible physical specimens! Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Paul McCartney, they'd all be proud to party with these two! Now, with you as advisor, they are an unbeatable combination! Ricky and Robert remind me of two children going trick or treating as Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth!
DAVIS: Haw! Haw! That's about right!
DUNDEE: Alright, I have a match. I'm gonna beat this boy about half to death! Rock and RolL Express, this is what ya can expect next time you wrestle the RPMs!
COSS: After our first break, Bill Dundee will wrestle Tom Prichard. You might be in for a rude awakening!
COMMERCIAL
Superstar Bill Dundee vs. Tom Prichard: Prichard takes it to Dundee and nearly spoils the Superstar's Portland debut! Dundee scores the pin with an inside cradle( and a handfull of tights).
COMMERCIAL
Tiger Mask vs. Vic Steamboat: The type of match you would expect to see on a card in Japan. Very fast paced and scientific with a handshake before and afterwards. The masked man pins Steamboat after a German suplex, but Vic earns a lot of respect during this bout. Coss and Stasiak both rave about these two great athletes.
COMMERCIAL
Rock and Roll Express vs. Chris Colt & DC Drake: Ricky and Robert electrify the Portland Sports Arena tonight! Ricky pins Drake after a double dropkick. Stasiak says the RPMs and Dundee haven't heard the last of these two!
Cut to Coss in the Crow's Nest...
COSS: I'm here with the team that, in my opinion shouls be PNW Tag Team Champions, the Rock and Roll Express! Bill Dundee's interference cost you two the belts!
MORTON: I've known Billy Dundee since I was a little boy, Don Coss! He's a lowlife and a snake in the grass! RPMS, the day that Robert and myself need some chump interfering in our matches is the day we hang it up! As far as Adrian Street, just look at him! How can anybody take what he says seriously!
GIBSON: That's right, brother! We're gonna take them belts! We're gonna do it for all these nice people here in the Northwest and we're gonna do it the right way!
MORTON: WE won't take up any more valuable TV time, Don Coss! We'll do out talkin in the ring!
COSS: We'll see the RPMS when we return!
COMMERCIAL
Superstar Bill Dundee leads his tag team champs to the ring...
Rock and Roll RPMS(w/Bill Dundee) vs. Scott Casey & Iceman King Parsons: The Cowboy and the Iceman turn out to be an excellent combination and they give the tag champs all they want this week! Lane pins Casey after nailing him with a Tennessee chain that Dundee hands him! After the bout, Ricky and Robert come down and stooge Dundee off to referee Sandy Barr! This leads to a Express/RPms brawl that goes all over the arena! It takes everal minutes to break it up. Stasiak and Coss say it is one of the wildest things they have ever seen!
COMMERCIAL
COSS: In our next match, three of the top wrestlers in the Northwest will take on three members of Los Diablos. I'm joined by those three men: Ken Patera and the Sawyer brothers. You three have Abdullah the Butcher, the Grappler, & Bad News Brooks!
PATERA: The other night, I was wrestling the Grappler in the tournament! He kicked me and I've never felt pain like that! There's more in that boot than a foot and five toes! Tonight, I might rip that boot off and shove it down his throat!
BUZZ: Last week, they burned our friend Billy! He didn't let that stop him and we won't let these jerks stop us!
BRETT: We can fight fire with fire if that's what it takes! I've got two of the strongest and two of the toughest on my side! We're ready!
COSS: I think we're all ready! It's time for action!
Ken Patera, Buzz & Brett Sawyer vs. Abdullah the Butcher, the Grappler, & Bad News Brooks: A wild and wooly brawl. Referee David Manning has his hands full tonight! The Grappler pins Brett after loading the boot and kicking him in the abdomen. The brawl continues after the bell! Manny Fernandex and the Real Thing get involved, but a chair wielding Billy Jck Haynes and Wahoo McDaniel, swinging his strap, even the odds and clear the ring! Coss informs the fans that Don Owen has decided not to televise Wahoo's strap match with Fernandez tonight because it will probably be too violent for TV!
COMMERCIAL
Coss, Stasiak, and Owen are in the Crow's Nest.
COSS: The man they call the Real Thing made an unannounced appearance here last week. He shocked us all by burning Billy Jack Haynes. The Real Thing will wrestle in the Northwest for the first time here tonight. Don Oen has decided not to air that match...
OWEN: After this man's actions last week, I decided that it wouldn't be suitable for TV. Then, you did an investigative piece a few days later. After watching that piece of videotape, I didn't want to be responsible for what this man might do!
COSS: I really don't want to relive this, but here goes...I asked “Ragin Bull” Manny Fernandez to arrange an interview with the Real Thing. Fernandez invited me to his residence and here's what took place!
VTR:
We see a a sparsely furnished basement with a dirt floor. The only light is a naked light bulb that hangs from the ceiling. There is a set of stairs leading down into the basement. There is a cage in the corner where a hulking figure is holding tightly to the bars of the cage. We hear footsteps and voices descending the stairs...
FERNANDEZ: Coss, are you sure you want this?
COSS: I'm sure that Don Owen wants me to do this!
Coss and Manny Fernandez come into view. At the sight of the cage, Coss cringes.
COSS: You keep in there? Like an animal?
FERNANDEZ: I'm like you, I got no choice!
THING:AAAAAAARRRRRGH! OUT!
FERNANDEZ: (fumbling with keys) OK, big guy! Don't get yer panties in a wad!
COSS: Where did you find this man?
FERNANDEZ: When I was putting Los Diablos together, I got a phone call from New Zealand. My friend down there said they had a guy who was green and inexperienced, but he was tough. Then they said the magic words: He's really good at hurting people!
Fernandez unlocks the cage and the Real Thing springs out! His hair is unkempt, he is drooling, and he zeores in on a folding chair that is leaning against the wall! He grabs the steel chair and starts banging his own head with it!
COSS: He's going to bust his own head!
The Thing drops the chair and turns his attention to Coss! He grabs Coss's tie and starts chewing on it!
COSS: I'm really not comfortable with this!
FERNANDEZ: Thing! No! Back off!
The Real Thing spits out the tie and gets a look of savage anger on his face! HE points at Coss...
THING: FIRE!
COSS: Oh no!
Coss drops his microphone and runs for the stairs!
THING: FIRE! FIRE!
The Real Thing stares vacantly into the camera...
THING: Billy Jack! FIRE!
The thing throws a fireball in the direction of the camera. We see the camera being sat down on the floor and hear running footsteps.
The Real Thing gets on the floor and looks into the camera...
THING:HAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Cut to Crow's Nest.
COSS: (shudders) I can report that nobody was burnt and Manny Fernandez later returned the camera equipment to KPTV. No damage was done.
OWEN: Now, you see why I am leery about putting the Real Thing on television!
STASIAK: I think you made a good decision there, boss! You have a great card without it, including a world class main event!
COSS: Tonight, Dory Funk, Jr. defends his World Title against PNW titleholder BillY Jack Haynes. We have prerecorded statements from both champion and challenger. First, Billy Jack Haynes!
VTR:
Billy Jack Haynes sits on a stool in a blackened studio. Haynes holds his recently won PNW Title belt in his lap.
BILLY: Biggest night of my life, here in the Portland Sports Arena!One of my birthday presents on my 17th birthday was tickets to wrestling to watch Dory Funk, Jr. defend the old NWA World Title against Lonnie Mayne! My dad and I sat there, cheering ol' Lonnie on and he almost did it! He almost took the belt, but just came up a little short. I told Dad that night, someday I'm gonna wrestle for the World Title, only I'm gonna win! You kids watching, remember this: If you work hard and do things the right way, there's no limit to what you can accomplish and dreams can come true! Dad, I know you'll be sitting by the TV listening-I'm gonna do my best to win the title for you! All of you great fans across the Northwest who have stood behind Billy Jack these last five years, this is for you! For everybody who's ever been told that they're nop good and that they'll never amount to anything, this is for you! Dory Funk, I repect you and I look up to you for all you've accomplished, but I'm gonna fight you like my life is on the line tonight and I plan on taking that belt!
STASIAK: I think he can do it! It's only fair that the champion gets a chance to speak his piece...
VTR:
Dory Funk, Jr. is dressed in a Western style suit and cowboy hat. He has his title belt slung over his shoulder as he stands in the ring in the empty Portland Sports Arena.
FUNK: I've walked into this ring many times. From 1969 to 1973, I was the champion of the late, great National Wrestling Alliance. I'd come up here several times a year. I wrestled guys like Tough Tony Borne, Dutch Savage, and Billy Jack's old favorite, Lonnie “Moondog” Mayne. They were all tough, I'll give them that, but they all left the ring disappointed and the wrestling fans left the arena disappointed. Tonight, Billy, is going to be a disappointing night for you, too. Your old man is going to be disappointed. You're gonna let all of the fans down. You're going to fail yourself. You're good, Billy Jack, I can't take that away from you. Someday, you might even hold this title, but not tonight! Don't be greedy, son, enjoy that Pacific Northwest Title. Enjoy hearing all the women scream when you walk out here. Enjoy all the little boys wanting to grow up and be just like you. And enjoy your wrestling lesson tonight. It will be my pleasure!
COSS: That's one confident World Champion!
STASIAK: I still think Billy wins the World Title right here tonight!
COSS: We'll have that match next!
COMMERCIAL
The challenger comes to the ring first. Wahoo McDaniel is by his side. Billy still has a bandage on the burn from last week. Haynes gets a HUGE pop as he enters the ring!
The Champion strolls the ring, slowly and purposefully. Hif face is a stoic mask as he stares at his challenger. He enters the ring, removes his jacket and hands his belt to referee Sandy Barr.
Undisputed World Title Match (2/3 falls): Dory Funk, Jr. © vs. Billy Jack Haynes: After Don Owen makes the introductions, Wahoo gives Billy a brief pep talk and a handshake, then leaves the arena. Looks like this will be strictly one against one!
First Fall: Early on, Haynes uses his power advantage to gain the arvantage. Funk goes on the defensive. At one point, Funk manages to get an advantge and go to work on the leg. Funk eventually locks in the spinning toehold, but Haynes kicks out and sends Funk flying into the corner! Haynes charges at the champ, but Funk gets out of his way! Billy crashes hard into the corner! Funk rolls Haynes up from behind, braces his legs on the turnbuckles and takes the first fall!
Second Fall: Haynes is fired up and he really tears into Funk! Haynes throws Funk around the ring like he's a lightweight! Dory sells like he's the Japanese army and Haynes is Godzilla! It's all Haynes until Manny Fernandez and the Real Thing show up at ringside. Haynes is visibly distracted and Funk takes full advantage of the situation! Wahoo McDaniel comes out to counter the members of Los Diablos. Dory controls the action for awhile, but Haynes comes roaring back! Haynes eventually locks in the full nelson! Haynes has Dory in trouble, but Fernandez and the Thing attack Wahoo! Bill releases the hold and jumps out of the ring to rescue his friend!The Thing throws fire at Billy again, but Haynes grabs a chair and uses it as a shield! Sandy Barr awards the second fall to Billy Jack via DQ! Funk, Jr. is protesting vehemently, but it falls on deaf ears!Billy Jack is swinging the chair wildly at the heels!
Between falls, Don Owen gets on the mic and tells Fernandez & the Real Thing to leave or be fined $5,000 apiece! Wahoo leaves as well.
Third Fall: It's one fall apiece and Billy Jack is a wildman! The encounter with Los Diablos has him as fired up as we've ever seen him! Haynes beats Funk from pillar to post! Sandy Barr seems to be on the verge of disqualifying the overly aggressive Haynes a few times as he tears his opponent apart! Haynes finally applies the full nelson! Funk manages to step through the ropes. His feet on are on the apron. Barr is instructing Billy to break the hold, but Haynes has a crazed look on his face and won't break! The ref has no choice but to call for the bell! Funk wins the thrid fall by DQ and retains the championship! After the bell rings, Wahoo comes out and , along with Sandy Barr convinces Billy to relinquish the hold. Billy asks for the microphone..
HAYNES: I apologize. Last week, that jerk burned me and tonigt, he tried it again! I just lost it! I promise you people that Wahoo and me will run those jerks out of here! And I have one more promise, Dory Funk, Jr., you haven't seen the last of me!
Funk takes the microphone.
FUNK: Any time any place, Haynes. In the ring or in a back alley, all the same to me!
Barr and Wahoo quickly step between champion and challenger!
DARK MATCHES
Jos LeDuc enters the ring, carrying a table. LeDuc stes up the table and offers to pay $1,000 to any man who can defeat him at arm wrestling! Several men from the audience try and can't do it! Wrestler CW Bergstrom gives it a shot and also fails.
The Real Thing(w/ Manny Fernandez & Bad News Brooks) makes his in ring debut against Art Barr & Billy Travis in a handicap match. The Thing pins Travis after a heart punch, but gets DQ's for beating up referee Sandy Barr. When Art Barr tries to help Sandy, he takes a fireball from the Thing!Don Owen fines the Real Thing five grand and threatens more if Brooks and Fernandez don't remove him from the premises!They barely drag him away!
“Ragin Bull” Manny Fernandez takes on Chief Wahoo McDaniel in an Indian Strap match. This is one of the goriest matches ever seen in the Sports Arena! Don Owen made the right decision in not televising this one! Referee David Manning finally decides both men have spilled too much blood and calls it a no contest! Billy Jack and Buzz Sawyer come out to help Wahoo to the back while Brooks and the Grappler have to assist the Bull!
Working on it now.