GWC announces: Chi-Town Rumble and St. Paul Scramble on USA!
Jan 27, 2019 0:54:35 GMT
Post by thecommish on Jan 27, 2019 0:54:35 GMT
Global Wrestling Council is coming to the USA Network every Friday night at 9pm this March!
To promote the premiere of GWC Friday Night Fridays beginning March 1, the USA Network has produced this preview special to announce two other special shows. Clips of the GWC superstars flexing and posing air over Genesis’ ‘Turn it On Again’:
Vince McMahon: “Hello and welcome everyone to this special preview of the Global Wrestling Council. I’m Vince McMahon, and I have the distinct pleasure of bringing you the very best professional athletes to grace the squared circle today. I will be here every Friday night on the USA Network beginning March 1 for Friday Night Fights, 60 minutes of the most action-packed and exciting sports and entertainment you’ll find anywhere on the planet.”
“Are you gonna talk forever, Jack McMahon?”
Vince McMahon: “If you would have given me a moment, Jesse, I was going to introduce you but that notwithstanding ladies and gentleman, joining me at this time is one of the flashiest, brashest and most controversial figures in sports entertainment today, my broadcast colleague, one Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “You forgot best looking and most intelligent, Jack McMahon.”
Vince McMahon: “That would certainly be a matter of opinion, Jesse.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “And nobody cares about yours. The people want to hear from Jesse ‘The Mind’ Ventura, and let me tell the people that I’ve had every single promotion beating down my doors for one long years now. And I waited because I wanted to be a part of the Global Wrestling Council because this is where it’s at, you can trust me on that.”
Vince McMahon: “On that, we agree, Jess. The Global Wrestling Council has spent the last year ambitiously signing the most notable figures in sports entertainment today to all compete under one banner. ‘The American Dream’ Dusty Rhodes, Nick Bockwinkel, The Funks, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Ted Dibiase, the Eighth Wonder of the World himself Andre the Giant and the man who has the world talking. The star of Rocky III, ‘The Incredible’ Hulk Hogan is a part of the Global Wrestling Council!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “It was all going so well until you had to mention Hogan. I was so impressed by the group of people that the Global Wrestling Council went out and signed, and then they lowered themselves to sign Hogan! The only solace I take is that I’ll get to watch guys Nick Bockwinkel, the Macho Man and The King beat him to a pulp like Rocky should have, McMahon! HAHA!”
Vince McMahon: “Oh come on, Jesse!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Just you wait, McMahon!”
Vince McMahon: “Jesse’s comments aside, we are here to make two announcements that will shake the very foundation of sports entertainment tonight. As we mentioned, Global Wrestling Council will come to you each Friday night for Friday Night Fights beginning March 1 - but that will NOT be the first time you see our superstars. We will be crowning the Global Heavyweight Champion and the Global Tag Team Champions on two prior Fridays in one-of-a-kind events.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I’ve been excited for this to go public all week, McMahon!”
Vince McMahon: “On Friday night, February 15, Global Wrestling Council makes its debut on the USA Network with the first-ever Chi-Town Rumble, live from the UIC Pavillion! In a first-of-its kind match, 22 of the biggest names in the sport will enter the ring at random draw every 90 seconds and the last man not dumped over the top rope with their feet touching the arena floor becomes the Global Heavyweight Champion!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “It’s gonna a brawl to end it all, McMahon. I love it!”
Vince McMahon: “But that’s not all! That 90-minute special will be followed one week later by the St. Paul Scramble, live from the St. Paul Civic Center. On that night, the six top tag teams in the world will draw lots at random and compete in a gauntlet-style match where the last remaining team become the Global Tag Team Champions! Both of these nights will lead directly into the premiere of our 60-minute Friday Night Fight shows on March 1.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Get to the good stuff, McMahon! Tell the people who’s in the matches!”
Vince McMahon: “I was getting there before I was so rudely interrupted, Jesse. Let’s first look at the St. Paul Scramble. We’ve got teams reaching from as far as the infamous Double Cross Ranch in Amarillo Texas up to the famed next generation of Montreal wrestling sports entertainment royalty. Let’s take a look at the rundown.”
Vince McMahon: “Well, it’s pick ‘em time, Jesse. You’re the self-styled wrestling expert, who do you see walking away from St. Paul with those Global Tag Team Championships?”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “McMahon, if a team as naturally talented as Ricky Steamboat and Ted Dibiase would let an intellect like myself impart some of my wisdom, they’d be unstoppable and they’d rule tag team wrestling in the 1980s. But they’re foolish enough to care about the people, and that will screw them every time. So my pick is the Funk Brothers of Amarillo, Texas!”
Vince McMahon: “I certainly disagree with your assessment of Mr. Steamboat and Mr. Dibiase, but I cannot discount that the Funks might just be the favourites. Both former World Tag Team Champions, both former World Heavyweight Champions! And now we get to the crowning of the Global Heavyweight Championship in the Chi-Town Rumble. We are pleased to announce that this is the greatest of former world champions ever assembled in one ring! Let’s take a look!”
Vince McMahon: “Without question, this will be the greatest collection of talent within one ring. For those keeping score, there are 12 former World Heavyweight Champions now competing to become the Global Heavyweight Champion, including the return to the ring of the Living Legend Verne Gagne!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I ain’t takin’ nothin’ away from Old Man Verne. I’ve been in the ring with him, and he’s hard to handle, so even at his age, he could give any of these guys a good fight.”
Vince McMahon: “Fans, before we leave you, let’s hear briefly from just a few of the wrestlers who will go to war to become the Global Heavyweight Champion in the Chi-Town Rumble!”
Nick Bockwinkel: “I’m not a man who believes often that there are events beyond my control. I’ve prided myself throughout my illustrious career of going out to that squared circle in front of the hordes of humanoids, and no matter who the opponent, no matter where the godforsaken cesspool they’ve sent me, Nick Bockwinkel is in control of events and always a moment away from procuring a victory from his opposition. But a preponderance of events beyond even the expectations of a wise man such as I has brought us to this point, where to prove I am the very best professional athlete in the world today, I must defeat 21 others.
“Not in a fair, honest and sportsmanlike way like in a tournament. No, I’m required to face them all at the same time. I imagine GWC commissioner Buddy Rogers had quite a smile on his face when he backed Nick Bockwinkel into such a corner, but not so fast Mr. Rogers. I’ve beaten them all individually. My greatest trick of all, the one that will shock and confound like no other before, is when I beat them all… at the same time!”
- Cut to The U.S. Connection, Ricky Steamboat and Ted Dibiase. -
Ricky Steamboat: “Theodore, we’ve got not one but two incredible opportunities ahead of us. The St. Paul Scramble where you and I will be tested as a team like never before by facing five of the very best. But before that, we may be forced to do battle when we take part in the Chi-Town Rumble,”
Ted Dibiase: “The way I look at it is like this is, Ricky. We approach these like isolated incidents. We train hard, harder than ever before, together for the St. Paul Scramble. We study all five other teams, we know them inside and out. And we get the ring time together in order to prove to the others that while they might have the experience edge in teaming longer, the U.S. Connection is undeniable as a tag team. And when it comes to the Chi-Town Rumble, it’s every man for himself, and we treat it like an opportunity for one us to become a double champion. If you happen to win, I’ll be damned proud, and I hope when I win, you’ll be just as proud.”
Ricky Steamboat: “Certainly… but you said, when you win.”
Ted Dibiase: “Well, a man’s got to confident, right?”
Ricky Steamboat: “Right. When I throw you out, I promise beers will be on me that night!”
Sheik Adnan: “Allah Akbhar, ALLL HOO LA HAM! VERNE GAGNE, YOOOOO SHOULD HAVE STAYED REEEEETIRED!”
Sheik Blackwell: “Let me tell ya’all somethin’! I’m comin’ to the Chi-Town Rumble with three things in mind. Number one, to squash the old coot Gagne like a bug and finish him off fer good! Two, I’m gonna win me that Global Heavyweight Championship, and then me an’ the Sheik’ur gonna bring it to Tehran! But the most impuhrtant thaang of all, Andre the so-called Giant. They say you ain’t never lost no Battle Royals. Well get ready son because Blackwell is the real giant and he’s gonna fix that for ya!”
Iron Sheik: “CAMERAMAN ZOOM! TEHRAN, IRAN - NUMBER ONE! BAGHDAD, IRAQ - NUMBER ONE! USA - HACK PTOOOOOOEY!”
- Cut to ‘The American Dream’ Dusty Rhodes on his cattle ranch. -
Dusty Rhodes: “Ya know, baybee, it’s been one long yeear that the Dream has watched and waited. I been on my ranch down in Austin, babybee, and my ranch-hands, the people in town, hell my own children be comin’ up to me and sayin’, Big Dust, when ya comin’ back to the ring? They say, ‘we need ya back in the ring, baybeee’. I gotta tell ya I am soo ‘cited because the time is nay-ow. The stay-age couldn’t be any bigger, ya understand? Chi-Town, where the Texas Outlaws done fought til the lights went out back in the day, if ya rememb-ah, babybee. It’s been a long tiii-ime, but The Dream is comin’ to his home away from home, if ya wiiiiiil, and he’s lookin’ to reach that top of the mountain once aga-ayiin! 21 of the best in the way, try and stop the Bull uh’ the Woods if ya can. It’s gon’ be one funky bunkhouse stampede in Chi-Town when The Dream is back in town!”
‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage: “Freak out, freak out! The Madness is about to sweep the nation, uh huh, yeeeees it is! History beckons the Macho Man to Chi-Town, and that’s real nice, uh-huh, because what I happen to do best is ruuuuuuuuuumble! That’s right, uh-huh! When the Macho Man hits that ring at the Ruuuuuuuuumble, it’s gonna 350 miles per hour pure Madness acceleration! Dig it?! Hoooooke Hogan! American Dreeeeeeeeam! Ragin’ Buuuuuull! And yeaaaaah even you Andreeee the Giant, get out of the Macho Man’s way, uh huh, or YOU GET TOSSED OUT! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Jerry ‘The KIng’ Lawler: “Boys, we’re a long way from Memphis, and I’ve taken a long look around at our new kingdom of the Midwest and quite frankly, I’m not very impressed.”
Lord William Dundee: “It’s not much look at, Kingfish.”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “I tried to tell these Global Wrestling Council people that they should have the first big event in Memphis, not Chicago! I mean, who’d want to risk their life going down Halsted Street when they could have the time of their life on Beale Street.”
Buddy Landell: “And hey, I hate to tell ya but St. Paul ain’t much better, King! The Twin Cities are more like the Twin Travesties compared to the royal splendor we’re used to down south. That’s right, I said it!”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “Okay that’s enough! Let’s show these people a little Southern hospitality - after all, getting to see THe Royal Family is the best part of their pointless lives anyway! And that’s why I’m calling on every peon in this Chi-Town Rumble to do the right thing. All I keep hearing about is how there are 12 former world champions. That’s great. But you know what there’s only one of in this match? There’s only one King! And you’re lookin’ at him!”
Lord William Dundee: “You tell ‘em, Kingfish.”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “So Hulk Hogan, Dusty Rhodes, Andre the Giant, Verne Gagne, Nick Bockwinkel, I’m talkin’ to each and every one of you lowly subjects signed up for the Chi-Town Rumble. When The King enters the match, I command you to throw yourselves over the top rope because a King shouldn’t have to break a sweat to claim his rightful inheritance!”
Lord William Dundee: “By royal decree, you have the King’s proclamation!”
Hulk Hogan: “Well you know somethin’ dude, Hulkamaniacs from coast to coast have been askin’ me, what’s the ultimate grudge match after Rocky III? How can the Hulkster ever top knocking out The Italian Stallion? On February 15, Chi-Town Rumble, 22 of the biggest, baddest dudes are gonna be bashin’ heads in one ring, hangin’ and bangin’ until there’s only one survivor left! Rocky wouldn’t stand a chance, brah! The list of names sends shockwaves through the core of the earth, man! The Dream, the Funks, Tricky Nick, The King, the Macho Man, the Sheiks, my Big Brother Andre and then you got me, The Hulkster. All those other guys, they’re bad dudes, and they’re gonna fight like hell, but what they don’t got is they don’t got the Hulkmaniacs in their corner. If it ever gets hairy in there, all I gotta do is reach my hand out, and feed off the energy of the people. Let their electricity run through my body, show the world that THIS is where the power lies. So I have just one question for the 21 other entrants of the Chi-Town Rumble: WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIA… RUNS WILD… ON YOOOOOOOOOOU?!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I’m gonna be sick. Why’d you have to put Hogan last?”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Gimme a break, Jess!”
Vince McMahon: “Joining us in our final moments is the man who will be calling the Chi-Town Rumble and the St. Paul Scramble with Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura. He is a true legend of the ring, the great Gorilla Monsoon. Welcome to the Global Wrestling Council, Gorilla!”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Pleasure’s all mine, Vince!”
Vince McMahon: “I asked Jesse earlier, so if I could borrow from your wealth of experience, it’s pick ‘em time. Who do you think is the favourite to win the Chi-Town Rumble?”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Having been in many a battle royal, I can assure you that anything can happen. This one is quite unusual since the superstars will enter one at a time, at intervals. Surely, these are 22 of the greatest superstars ever to lace up the boots, but I can’t help but go with the man who’s never lost a battle royal, the true giant, the phenom, Andre.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Let me correct you, Gino. The true giant is Sheik Blackwell, and he’s MY pick to win!”
© 1985, GWC
To promote the premiere of GWC Friday Night Fridays beginning March 1, the USA Network has produced this preview special to announce two other special shows. Clips of the GWC superstars flexing and posing air over Genesis’ ‘Turn it On Again’:
We now go live to the GCW production studios to Vince McMahon.
Vince McMahon: “Hello and welcome everyone to this special preview of the Global Wrestling Council. I’m Vince McMahon, and I have the distinct pleasure of bringing you the very best professional athletes to grace the squared circle today. I will be here every Friday night on the USA Network beginning March 1 for Friday Night Fights, 60 minutes of the most action-packed and exciting sports and entertainment you’ll find anywhere on the planet.”
“Are you gonna talk forever, Jack McMahon?”
The camera pans to Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura standing next to Vince, rolling his eyes.
Vince McMahon: “If you would have given me a moment, Jesse, I was going to introduce you but that notwithstanding ladies and gentleman, joining me at this time is one of the flashiest, brashest and most controversial figures in sports entertainment today, my broadcast colleague, one Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “You forgot best looking and most intelligent, Jack McMahon.”
Vince McMahon: “That would certainly be a matter of opinion, Jesse.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “And nobody cares about yours. The people want to hear from Jesse ‘The Mind’ Ventura, and let me tell the people that I’ve had every single promotion beating down my doors for one long years now. And I waited because I wanted to be a part of the Global Wrestling Council because this is where it’s at, you can trust me on that.”
Vince McMahon: “On that, we agree, Jess. The Global Wrestling Council has spent the last year ambitiously signing the most notable figures in sports entertainment today to all compete under one banner. ‘The American Dream’ Dusty Rhodes, Nick Bockwinkel, The Funks, Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler, ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage, Ricky Steamboat, Ted Dibiase, the Eighth Wonder of the World himself Andre the Giant and the man who has the world talking. The star of Rocky III, ‘The Incredible’ Hulk Hogan is a part of the Global Wrestling Council!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “It was all going so well until you had to mention Hogan. I was so impressed by the group of people that the Global Wrestling Council went out and signed, and then they lowered themselves to sign Hogan! The only solace I take is that I’ll get to watch guys Nick Bockwinkel, the Macho Man and The King beat him to a pulp like Rocky should have, McMahon! HAHA!”
Vince McMahon: “Oh come on, Jesse!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Just you wait, McMahon!”
Vince McMahon: “Jesse’s comments aside, we are here to make two announcements that will shake the very foundation of sports entertainment tonight. As we mentioned, Global Wrestling Council will come to you each Friday night for Friday Night Fights beginning March 1 - but that will NOT be the first time you see our superstars. We will be crowning the Global Heavyweight Champion and the Global Tag Team Champions on two prior Fridays in one-of-a-kind events.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I’ve been excited for this to go public all week, McMahon!”
Vince McMahon: “On Friday night, February 15, Global Wrestling Council makes its debut on the USA Network with the first-ever Chi-Town Rumble, live from the UIC Pavillion! In a first-of-its kind match, 22 of the biggest names in the sport will enter the ring at random draw every 90 seconds and the last man not dumped over the top rope with their feet touching the arena floor becomes the Global Heavyweight Champion!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “It’s gonna a brawl to end it all, McMahon. I love it!”
Vince McMahon: “But that’s not all! That 90-minute special will be followed one week later by the St. Paul Scramble, live from the St. Paul Civic Center. On that night, the six top tag teams in the world will draw lots at random and compete in a gauntlet-style match where the last remaining team become the Global Tag Team Champions! Both of these nights will lead directly into the premiere of our 60-minute Friday Night Fight shows on March 1.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Get to the good stuff, McMahon! Tell the people who’s in the matches!”
Vince McMahon: “I was getting there before I was so rudely interrupted, Jesse. Let’s first look at the St. Paul Scramble. We’ve got teams reaching from as far as the infamous Double Cross Ranch in Amarillo Texas up to the famed next generation of Montreal wrestling sports entertainment royalty. Let’s take a look at the rundown.”
ST. PAUL SCRAMBLE MATCH
Friday, February 22, 1985
Live on the USA Network!
THE TEAMS
THE FUNK BROTHERS
LARRY ‘THE AXE’ AND CURT HENNIG
THE ROYAL FAMILY PRESENTS: THE BLONDE BATALLION
THE U.S. CONNECTION: TED DIBIASE AND RICKY STEAMBOAT
THE REGULATORS: BOB ORTON JR. AND DICK SLATER
THE ROUGEAU BROTHERS
Friday, February 22, 1985
Live on the USA Network!
THE TEAMS
THE FUNK BROTHERS
LARRY ‘THE AXE’ AND CURT HENNIG
THE ROYAL FAMILY PRESENTS: THE BLONDE BATALLION
THE U.S. CONNECTION: TED DIBIASE AND RICKY STEAMBOAT
THE REGULATORS: BOB ORTON JR. AND DICK SLATER
THE ROUGEAU BROTHERS
Vince McMahon: “Well, it’s pick ‘em time, Jesse. You’re the self-styled wrestling expert, who do you see walking away from St. Paul with those Global Tag Team Championships?”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “McMahon, if a team as naturally talented as Ricky Steamboat and Ted Dibiase would let an intellect like myself impart some of my wisdom, they’d be unstoppable and they’d rule tag team wrestling in the 1980s. But they’re foolish enough to care about the people, and that will screw them every time. So my pick is the Funk Brothers of Amarillo, Texas!”
Vince McMahon: “I certainly disagree with your assessment of Mr. Steamboat and Mr. Dibiase, but I cannot discount that the Funks might just be the favourites. Both former World Tag Team Champions, both former World Heavyweight Champions! And now we get to the crowning of the Global Heavyweight Championship in the Chi-Town Rumble. We are pleased to announce that this is the greatest of former world champions ever assembled in one ring! Let’s take a look!”
CHI-TOWN RUMBLE
Friday February 15, 1985
Live on the USA Network!
THE PARTICIPANTS
BOB BACKLUND
MAD DOG VACHON
DORY FUNK JR.
SUPERSTAR GRAHAM
THE CRUSHER
‘THE AMERICAN DREAM’ DUSTY RHODES
TERRY FUNK
OTTO WANZ
NICK BOCKWINKEL
PEDRO MORALES
IRON SHEIK
‘MACHO MAN’ RANDY SAVAGE
RICKY STEAMBOAT
TED DIBIASE
'THE LIVING LEGEND' LARRY ZBYSZKO
ANDRE THE GIANT
JERRY ‘THE KING LAWLER
CRUSHER BLACKWELL
THE RAGIN’ BULL MANNY FERNANDEZ
DON MURACO
HULK HOGAN
VERNE GAGNE
Friday February 15, 1985
Live on the USA Network!
THE PARTICIPANTS
BOB BACKLUND
MAD DOG VACHON
DORY FUNK JR.
SUPERSTAR GRAHAM
THE CRUSHER
‘THE AMERICAN DREAM’ DUSTY RHODES
TERRY FUNK
OTTO WANZ
NICK BOCKWINKEL
PEDRO MORALES
IRON SHEIK
‘MACHO MAN’ RANDY SAVAGE
RICKY STEAMBOAT
TED DIBIASE
'THE LIVING LEGEND' LARRY ZBYSZKO
ANDRE THE GIANT
JERRY ‘THE KING LAWLER
CRUSHER BLACKWELL
THE RAGIN’ BULL MANNY FERNANDEZ
DON MURACO
HULK HOGAN
VERNE GAGNE
Back to Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura in the GWC control room.
Vince McMahon: “Without question, this will be the greatest collection of talent within one ring. For those keeping score, there are 12 former World Heavyweight Champions now competing to become the Global Heavyweight Champion, including the return to the ring of the Living Legend Verne Gagne!”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I ain’t takin’ nothin’ away from Old Man Verne. I’ve been in the ring with him, and he’s hard to handle, so even at his age, he could give any of these guys a good fight.”
Vince McMahon: “Fans, before we leave you, let’s hear briefly from just a few of the wrestlers who will go to war to become the Global Heavyweight Champion in the Chi-Town Rumble!”
- Cut to Nick Bockwinkel smirking at the camera. -
Nick Bockwinkel: “I’m not a man who believes often that there are events beyond my control. I’ve prided myself throughout my illustrious career of going out to that squared circle in front of the hordes of humanoids, and no matter who the opponent, no matter where the godforsaken cesspool they’ve sent me, Nick Bockwinkel is in control of events and always a moment away from procuring a victory from his opposition. But a preponderance of events beyond even the expectations of a wise man such as I has brought us to this point, where to prove I am the very best professional athlete in the world today, I must defeat 21 others.
“Not in a fair, honest and sportsmanlike way like in a tournament. No, I’m required to face them all at the same time. I imagine GWC commissioner Buddy Rogers had quite a smile on his face when he backed Nick Bockwinkel into such a corner, but not so fast Mr. Rogers. I’ve beaten them all individually. My greatest trick of all, the one that will shock and confound like no other before, is when I beat them all… at the same time!”
- Cut to The U.S. Connection, Ricky Steamboat and Ted Dibiase. -
Ted Dibiase: “The way I look at it is like this is, Ricky. We approach these like isolated incidents. We train hard, harder than ever before, together for the St. Paul Scramble. We study all five other teams, we know them inside and out. And we get the ring time together in order to prove to the others that while they might have the experience edge in teaming longer, the U.S. Connection is undeniable as a tag team. And when it comes to the Chi-Town Rumble, it’s every man for himself, and we treat it like an opportunity for one us to become a double champion. If you happen to win, I’ll be damned proud, and I hope when I win, you’ll be just as proud.”
Ricky Steamboat: “Certainly… but you said, when you win.”
Ted Dibiase: “Well, a man’s got to confident, right?”
Ricky Steamboat: “Right. When I throw you out, I promise beers will be on me that night!”
- Cut to Sheik Adnan El-Kaissie, Sheik Blackwell and the Iron Sheik already ranting like lunatics. -
Sheik Adnan: “Allah Akbhar, ALLL HOO LA HAM! VERNE GAGNE, YOOOOO SHOULD HAVE STAYED REEEEETIRED!”
Sheik Blackwell: “Let me tell ya’all somethin’! I’m comin’ to the Chi-Town Rumble with three things in mind. Number one, to squash the old coot Gagne like a bug and finish him off fer good! Two, I’m gonna win me that Global Heavyweight Championship, and then me an’ the Sheik’ur gonna bring it to Tehran! But the most impuhrtant thaang of all, Andre the so-called Giant. They say you ain’t never lost no Battle Royals. Well get ready son because Blackwell is the real giant and he’s gonna fix that for ya!”
Iron Sheik: “CAMERAMAN ZOOM! TEHRAN, IRAN - NUMBER ONE! BAGHDAD, IRAQ - NUMBER ONE! USA - HACK PTOOOOOOEY!”
- Cut to ‘The American Dream’ Dusty Rhodes on his cattle ranch. -
- ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage throwing confetti in the air. -
‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage: “Freak out, freak out! The Madness is about to sweep the nation, uh huh, yeeeees it is! History beckons the Macho Man to Chi-Town, and that’s real nice, uh-huh, because what I happen to do best is ruuuuuuuuuumble! That’s right, uh-huh! When the Macho Man hits that ring at the Ruuuuuuuuumble, it’s gonna 350 miles per hour pure Madness acceleration! Dig it?! Hoooooke Hogan! American Dreeeeeeeeam! Ragin’ Buuuuuull! And yeaaaaah even you Andreeee the Giant, get out of the Macho Man’s way, uh huh, or YOU GET TOSSED OUT! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
- Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler is standing by with his Royal Family: Lord William Dundee and The Blonde Batallion: Sir Wayne Ferris and Squire Buddy Landell. -
Jerry ‘The KIng’ Lawler: “Boys, we’re a long way from Memphis, and I’ve taken a long look around at our new kingdom of the Midwest and quite frankly, I’m not very impressed.”
Lord William Dundee: “It’s not much look at, Kingfish.”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “I tried to tell these Global Wrestling Council people that they should have the first big event in Memphis, not Chicago! I mean, who’d want to risk their life going down Halsted Street when they could have the time of their life on Beale Street.”
Buddy Landell: “And hey, I hate to tell ya but St. Paul ain’t much better, King! The Twin Cities are more like the Twin Travesties compared to the royal splendor we’re used to down south. That’s right, I said it!”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “Okay that’s enough! Let’s show these people a little Southern hospitality - after all, getting to see THe Royal Family is the best part of their pointless lives anyway! And that’s why I’m calling on every peon in this Chi-Town Rumble to do the right thing. All I keep hearing about is how there are 12 former world champions. That’s great. But you know what there’s only one of in this match? There’s only one King! And you’re lookin’ at him!”
Lord William Dundee: “You tell ‘em, Kingfish.”
Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler: “So Hulk Hogan, Dusty Rhodes, Andre the Giant, Verne Gagne, Nick Bockwinkel, I’m talkin’ to each and every one of you lowly subjects signed up for the Chi-Town Rumble. When The King enters the match, I command you to throw yourselves over the top rope because a King shouldn’t have to break a sweat to claim his rightful inheritance!”
Lord William Dundee: “By royal decree, you have the King’s proclamation!”
- Cut to ‘The Incredible’ Hulk Hogan benching huge amounts of weight in the gym, before sitting up. -
Hulk Hogan: “Well you know somethin’ dude, Hulkamaniacs from coast to coast have been askin’ me, what’s the ultimate grudge match after Rocky III? How can the Hulkster ever top knocking out The Italian Stallion? On February 15, Chi-Town Rumble, 22 of the biggest, baddest dudes are gonna be bashin’ heads in one ring, hangin’ and bangin’ until there’s only one survivor left! Rocky wouldn’t stand a chance, brah! The list of names sends shockwaves through the core of the earth, man! The Dream, the Funks, Tricky Nick, The King, the Macho Man, the Sheiks, my Big Brother Andre and then you got me, The Hulkster. All those other guys, they’re bad dudes, and they’re gonna fight like hell, but what they don’t got is they don’t got the Hulkmaniacs in their corner. If it ever gets hairy in there, all I gotta do is reach my hand out, and feed off the energy of the people. Let their electricity run through my body, show the world that THIS is where the power lies. So I have just one question for the 21 other entrants of the Chi-Town Rumble: WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE POWER OF THE HULKAMANIA… RUNS WILD… ON YOOOOOOOOOOU?!”
We cut back to Vince McMahon and Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura in the studio, now joined by Gorilla Monsoon.
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “I’m gonna be sick. Why’d you have to put Hogan last?”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Gimme a break, Jess!”
Vince McMahon: “Joining us in our final moments is the man who will be calling the Chi-Town Rumble and the St. Paul Scramble with Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura. He is a true legend of the ring, the great Gorilla Monsoon. Welcome to the Global Wrestling Council, Gorilla!”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Pleasure’s all mine, Vince!”
Vince McMahon: “I asked Jesse earlier, so if I could borrow from your wealth of experience, it’s pick ‘em time. Who do you think is the favourite to win the Chi-Town Rumble?”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Having been in many a battle royal, I can assure you that anything can happen. This one is quite unusual since the superstars will enter one at a time, at intervals. Surely, these are 22 of the greatest superstars ever to lace up the boots, but I can’t help but go with the man who’s never lost a battle royal, the true giant, the phenom, Andre.”
Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura: “Let me correct you, Gino. The true giant is Sheik Blackwell, and he’s MY pick to win!”
Vince McMahon: “We’ll find out if either of you are correct in just under three weeks time when The Chi-Town Rumbles airs Friday, February 15 at 9pm on the USA Network. Then the following Friday, February 22, it will be the St. Paul Scramble live on the USA Network. Jesse and myself will join you each and every Friday night when the Global Wrestling Council presents Friday Night Fights starting March 1 at 9pm! For now, we leave you with a special look at 'The Incredible' Hulk Hogan!"
© 1985, GWC
Working on it now.